Pink, Yellow, and Blue... I love you.

So this past weekend was AMAZING!!!

A brief synopsis of my weekend includes:
Graduation, watching Morgan play water polo, shopping, dinner at cheesecake factory, awesome cheesecake! Then the next day more shopping in St. George, games with my un-inlaws and Ice cream! Easter was the next day and boy that was a blast! I got some more jewelry from the "easter bunny" and went to church with my family. We had a crazy mix-mash of dinner and then Jaimee and I took pictures of Jer for his graduation! I got a two hour nap followed by easter candy! Monday I had my Unwedding to Ryan Adams (Jaimee in eighth grade decided ryan and I would get married on 4/25/2011 and so we celebrated the fact that we did not get married :))

So now I will post some pictures

Pictures done by akstudio

Yes! I finally graduated college, go me!

Morgan's game face!

Jaimee and Jer in his pictures!

My unwedding! It was a great BBQ!

My red velvet cheesecake! so amazing!

Not everyone...

Has such an amazing family (and 2nd family! The Adams Rock!) Playing games last night was so funny, best memories right there!

Has a boss who calls you princess just because you are amazing (not sarcastic at all)

Has a best friend from high school who no matter what loves having you around. Lo you are seriously the bees knees :)

Graduates in exactly 4 days!

Has many best friends :)

Stayed up last night till midnight talking to an old friend even though I had to work at 5 this morning!

Is wearing a grin from ear to ear today, even though whats past is past.

Is surrounded by amazing people who make me laugh daily

Has a secret that makes me smile

Has a job that makes a difference in other people's lives

Knows what love should feel like

has a past like mine, or knows what I've been through to get where I'm at

gets an upset stomach after eating popcorn

grinds her teeth because she is nervous about the future.

worries TOO MUCH about the future.

has a smile that can light up the room.

gets many more compliments than she deserves

Loves her life even though at times it can be hard

Knows what she wants to be when she grows up

Got in a car acciddent on friday, but still had an amazing day

over analyzes everything

To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. ~George Santayana


Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.  ~Anthony J. D'Angelo
 
He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts. ~Samuel Johnson


Sometimes life's Hell. But hey! Whatever gets the marshmallows toasty. ~J. Andrew Helt


I wish I was a glow worm,
A glow worm's never glum.
'Cos how can you be grumpy
When the sun shines out your bum!

~Author Unknown

I learned don't try to put a Question mark where God has put a period

‎"Why don't you get a tattoo?" 
"Ya kidding me? You don't put a bumper sticker on a Mercedes-Benz

3 years

3 years ago today... Blair and I had our first kiss. I remember the butterflies I had laying on his love sac with him watching the departed. We both didn't know how things would go between us but we wanted to give it a shot.

At first we hid it from people because he had been my high school coach and we just didn't need to broadcast it to everyone, I remember being at a polo tournament at SUU and secretly holding hands under the official's table. That was seriously the best feeling ever.

I really wanted to send him a text or message on facebook about how today was our 3 years... but I decided that the past is the past and I should probably just let it be. It would be great to hear from him and maybe we could banter back and forth but I don't think I should be the one to initiate things, because I was the weak one in the relationship and I don't want to seem needy now.

So heres to you Mr. Bentley - happy (would be) 3 years.

smiling

I put a lot of thought into the act of smiling, the real ones, the fake ones, the "I'm trying" ones... The truth is I gauge my mood by my ability to smile.

I have many quotes about smiling and here is a few;

Laughter and a smile, Makes your day worth while. (:

Everything looks brighter from behind a smile

Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.  ~Jim Beggs

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.  ~Charles Gordy

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.  ~Andy Rooney

If you don't start out the day with a smile, it's not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.  ~Author Unknown

You're never fully dressed without a smile.  ~Martin Charnin

A smile can brighten the darkest day.  ~Author Unknown

The truth is, you can hide behind a smile. When you feel like dying inside just faking a smile gets you through. It's in those quite moments when you're all alone and still smiling that mean the most. Anyone can put a smile on their face for the world but only those who are truly happy can smile when no one else is looking. I smiled today alone in my car, it was probably the most memorable smile I've had in a long time. I was thinking about making the most of my current situation and how I am going to grow and develop and just enjoy life. 


I once had an "office procedures" class in high school and one day we had a guest lecture come in. He was a manager for one of the local stores in Cedar. I remember him walking into class and looking right at me. (back up a minute here, before he came in I had one of my "smiling so  big my toes felt it" moments and was still bubbling over with joy) I looked him in the eye with my grin still on my face. I had no idea who he was or what his topic of discussion was going to be but come to find out he came to speak on job interviews and what type of people he looks for. During the lecture he pointed to me and said "I would hire her, without even talking to her." he then went on to describe why he would because of my attitude and smile. It was such an awesome experience. You truly can get anything with confidence and a smile.


I've had days lately where I couldn't even force a smile on my face, what with all the life changing decisions and "what-ifs" going through my head. The only thing that I want to gain out of all this stress is the ability to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face. I think this is a reasonable goal. 


My mom always said "fake it till you make it" while yes sometimes my smile is fake, it's going to become a lot more real.

Update

Well in case you didn't catch it on facebook, my most recent relationship ended. Now before you go feeling sorry for me I was the one who ended it. I guess you could say I didn't have feelings for him the way I should have. Truth be told he was everything on my list but even with all of those traits a person still needs to have a spark, and for me it just wasn't there.

In a way I was comparing it to my previous relationship, which isn't fair either. How is someone going to compare to my first love? I do realize that I might not get  back what I had with Blair because it was totally an unhealthy addiction on my part. When I first considered breaking up with Kyle I didn't think about getting back with  my ex, now I can't stop thinking about it. I miss how I was so comfortable with him, how we could sit and do absolutely nothing and be perfectly content. How we would make new recipes and cook for friends. Going swimming together and trying to help each other get back into shape and just being better all around. I really miss his smile and how he would kiss me.

I still remember the bad, it just doesn't seems as bad right now when I compare it to being alone :(

The moral of the story I want to find someone I can be comfortable with and that still makes me happy. Yes I still have a whole list of the "perfect man" but I have come to know that its more than just being good on paper. I have to feel like I want to be with that person more than any other person including my ex.

I have gotten lots of advice from people around me, one girl I work with described her relationship as "so much more than I ever knew I wanted" this isn't the first time I heard this quote but I love it so much! I want to find that, now the road to getting there seems damn near impossible. Will it be fessible?

I have learned so much from my exes, one big one is that I value my privacy, and any guy I date has to value it as well. I understand if I do something to question my honesty but other than that reading my text and looking at my facebook everytime I look at my phone is excessive, its one thing if I am ignoring everyone for that propose and it merely becomes a topic of conversation.

You should not talk about marriage if you still have not even said "I love you" yet. Also you should not talk about marriage unless you really mean it. :(

Alone time is nessacary, this is because you need time to process your thoughts and just develop as a person. Speaking of developing as a person... that is my goal now that I'm single again. I will focus on me, what I like and what I want out of life. I have a blank future a head of me now that school is almost done and I need to know what I want to fill it with. So wish me good luck! My goal is to not be in another serious relationship for 6 months in order to find myself and know what will make me happy.

Love

Is not something I take lightly... it is the best thing in this world and it is the thing that can hurt the most.

Why is it that looking into the future always digs up the past? I have spent way to much time lately dealing with old memories that I had thought were behind me... I don't know that they will ever go away or that I will know for sure I did the right thing.

I don't know what the right thing is after I graduate or who the right person is or if I will find that person. Right now all I know is that I DON'T KNOW, but that isn't a good answer for me.

Here is a quote about love that I think is perfect;

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." 

— Dr. Seuss

I had a mutual weirdness with someone and it was so easy, I want to feel like that again, but I don't :(

I love that quote because it isn't religion based but still absolutely true, don't get me wrong the church is amazing but to find something so true is great.

Speaking of the church, general conference was this last weekend and I'll admit I didn't listen to it, I was at work all weekend. But from the sound of it they are pushing marriage, not hanging out. Also if you are thinking about marriage you should "just do it" I am not even close to thinking about marriage and already feel pressure to get that way. I am only 21!! I thought I had found my perfect match but I guess not. I shouldn't have to feel like it's required to be married by now!

for a minute there...

I was seriously depressed, last night after work I fell asleep at five thirty to eight then I went to bed at 9:30 for the night, this morning I didn't want to get out of bed. It might be that I have no idea where my life is headed!

I know I will graduate and get my own place. But this is all that I know, when I was in my last relationship I knew what my future was going to be... now I just don't.

I can't believe that there is only one person out there for each of us but its hard to know I can be THAT happy again. Maybe that is the problem, I don't know what will make me happy?

I don't know how to handle the pressure, so many people my age are married. Part of me says to move out of Utah so the pressure of everyone asking "when are you going to get married?" will stop.