Empty

I never knew I could feel so lonely... so empty. I know my blog will just be whining for a little bit but this is my only outlet and he won't read it. So to the few of you who read this blog my suggestion is to ignore it for the next 3-5 months. Again sorry.

I feel like i'm just going through the motions, it feels dangerous for me to drive because my head just isn't in it.

All I have wanted to do is call and see how he is doing, ask him if he still misses me and wants me back. I would do anything to have him hug me again. I seriously can't take this anymore! I miss you Blair Bentley. My family has been more than helpful but still there isn't a cure for heartbreak.

Missing you...

Recently I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. He was the world to me, still is in fact. The thing is; I wanted to be married and he didn't. Thats the gist of it.

I feel like I can't breath most of the time, that the part of me that gave me breathe is missing. It is so hard to keep going on with half of me missing, I crave his touch and love more than anything. If you are reading this Blair I will always love you.

In the end I hope this is worth it, but right now if he said "come back" I wouldn't hesitate. I'd be with him till the end, how do people deal with this stress? Will it ever get any better? How do I trust anyone else? Will my broken heart be able to love again?

It sure feels like the sun won't shine ever again.

Christmas 2010

It all started December 19th it was a Sunday, I was bored and I ask Blair if we could open our presents to each other (jokingly) and he totally went for it! He got me a nook :) and I got him a media player for his external hard drive and a painting that is currently being framed, also I got him an electric shaver which I hope leads to more shaving :) ha ha tricky...

On Monday we went to St. George and Blair bought me this jewelry tree that I've wanted forever :)

 This is my nook and nook case. I was spoiled this year.

 Our tree this year.

My family decided to have our christmas 24 hours early because I actually had to work christmas day from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. (at least it was time and a half). I got lots of jewelry,two sets of scrubs and a shirt that I love! Jaimee even got me a big jewelry box!

 My full jewelry tree! way too full :)

 One of the necklaces I got, this is sooooo pretty!

After work I went to Brenda's and opened gifts with her, she got me a waffle iron that I have wanted for over a year! Amy freaking made me a quilt that is so soft! It is amazing. I didn't get to see them open there gifts and that was sad...

 Brenda gave Blair and I this cook book from the cruise we went on, it is signed by the head chef and the captain of our boat, this was so special I couldn't believe she did this for us!

 My waffle iron and Blair got a food processor from Kammi!

We went to Blair's Dad's house after that, they gave me some jewelry and clothes and a barnes and noble gift card! Blair got some book shelves and they are going to help us get the geo fixed! yay blair will have a car!

They also had us over sunday night for prime rib, it was awesome! Lori makes the best baked potatoes!

We had a progressive lunch on sunday with brenda and that whole side of the family that means everyone (thirty people) came to Blair's apartment so we had to clean the whole thing, we even got the backroom cleaned! Here is the proof!

My favorite thing this break was watching the grinch who stole christmas with blair christmas night, It was such a good way to wrap up a fun holiday. He is the best :)

Sisters

When everything goes wrong there is one person who knows exactly what to say. You know the saying: "somedays your the windshield, and somedays your the bug"? Well lately I've been the bug. (and by lately I mean the past two days) Sisters just have a way of saying things, that if came from another person would make you scream. Maybe its the fact that your stuck with them but for some reason she helps me more than any person out there.

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.

The after picture

For those of you who care:

This is my after the diet picture! Still a little toning and muscle building left but I think I look good :)

thoughts

Some thoughts I've had recently

Halloween is and always has been my favorite holiday. Christmas is a close second but I have always had fun on Halloween.

I am now a senior in college and I am kinda in shock when I went to register the little screen said "SENIOR" talk about weird, what am I going to do with my life now? Beside the obvious... work.

Blair flushed my sea monkeys and I didn't even get a good picture of them, the crazy thing is they would eat each other because I know I didn't feed them for at least 3 weeks and they were still alive.

My newest pair of contacts feel so good! Its like amazing that I can wear them now!!!

I want a puppy, some people my age get baby hungry, well I am puppy hungry. Soon enough I suppose.

I have to do a phone interview with one of my teachers and I am kinda nervous... This is the only time I will ever even talk to this teacher, gotta love online schooling

If I was to continue my education I would try to get into medical school and become a fertility specialist, it just seems so interesting to me!

I am seriously in shock that it is November already, something great is going to happen by the end of this year.... and I just am nervous that it might not happen... worry worry worry.

Our buddy Drew is back from Washington state :) Its good to have him back and I think Blair loves having a buddy around, even if it is only for a couple months.

I had a stye in my eye over the weekend but the stuff I bought at the store has worked miracles! yay for medicine!

I ate so much food this weekend that was not on my diet, that today I am in restart mode... how depressing. Also I really want my own treadmill (I have a feeling I will be getting one soonish)

that is all... I think.

Thoughts

Well the whole contact thing is a bust. I suppose I will wear glasses until I am rich enough to get lasik surgery :)

bye-bye you torture devices

Diet wise I feel good and not deprived, therefore school should be on the upside right? 

Wrong!

I have the day off tomorrow and have big plans for studying! (although Blair doesn't have class in the morning so we will see how much actually gets done)

Blair had a root canal today... my poor boy, first gout (from the diet) then a huge pain in the mouth.

I on the other had have been having mouth pain since I got my "small" cavities filled about two months ago. They didn't hurt to begin with! ARGH I hate the dentist

Work it going good, I got bumped to full time but the sad thing is... I can't keep it up :( I am excited to get full time one day. Although it is nice to get a couple more days off than everyone else.

I LOVE Halloween, I bought a pumpkin today and decorated Blair's window with decals. Fall is so awesome I just wish it lasted more than a month.

A few food things i'm thankful for... Eggs, carb master yogurt, cottage cheese, low carb tortillas, pork, and ranch dressing.

Besides that I am thankful for my man. He loves me no matter how many mood swings I have.