Update

Well in case you didn't catch it on facebook, my most recent relationship ended. Now before you go feeling sorry for me I was the one who ended it. I guess you could say I didn't have feelings for him the way I should have. Truth be told he was everything on my list but even with all of those traits a person still needs to have a spark, and for me it just wasn't there.

In a way I was comparing it to my previous relationship, which isn't fair either. How is someone going to compare to my first love? I do realize that I might not get  back what I had with Blair because it was totally an unhealthy addiction on my part. When I first considered breaking up with Kyle I didn't think about getting back with  my ex, now I can't stop thinking about it. I miss how I was so comfortable with him, how we could sit and do absolutely nothing and be perfectly content. How we would make new recipes and cook for friends. Going swimming together and trying to help each other get back into shape and just being better all around. I really miss his smile and how he would kiss me.

I still remember the bad, it just doesn't seems as bad right now when I compare it to being alone :(

The moral of the story I want to find someone I can be comfortable with and that still makes me happy. Yes I still have a whole list of the "perfect man" but I have come to know that its more than just being good on paper. I have to feel like I want to be with that person more than any other person including my ex.

I have gotten lots of advice from people around me, one girl I work with described her relationship as "so much more than I ever knew I wanted" this isn't the first time I heard this quote but I love it so much! I want to find that, now the road to getting there seems damn near impossible. Will it be fessible?

I have learned so much from my exes, one big one is that I value my privacy, and any guy I date has to value it as well. I understand if I do something to question my honesty but other than that reading my text and looking at my facebook everytime I look at my phone is excessive, its one thing if I am ignoring everyone for that propose and it merely becomes a topic of conversation.

You should not talk about marriage if you still have not even said "I love you" yet. Also you should not talk about marriage unless you really mean it. :(

Alone time is nessacary, this is because you need time to process your thoughts and just develop as a person. Speaking of developing as a person... that is my goal now that I'm single again. I will focus on me, what I like and what I want out of life. I have a blank future a head of me now that school is almost done and I need to know what I want to fill it with. So wish me good luck! My goal is to not be in another serious relationship for 6 months in order to find myself and know what will make me happy.