Well its been 4 weeks with out seeing or hearing you... today I don't feel much better than the day after it happened. I've been doing everything right... hanging out with my family and friends, going to gym, burying myself in school and work. Yet I still find time to miss you. I went and hung out with your mom yesterday, she said you still have bad days too (this made me feel a little better) and that you weren't drinking. I'm proud of you. I just figured you would be.
We talked about things that I thought would happen for us and how said I was that it wasn't ever going to happen, you mom said she didn't want me to have the same relationship she had... and that she saw traits in you that your father had. I never wanted to see it but maybe finding someone who will go to church with me and support me in all my goals will be good.
Everyone seems to have the same opinion, and that is you just weren't motivated. That might not be the reason you couldn't marry me but I feel like its part of it. In reality this makes sense and I don't want to have to motivate you to do everything, I shouldn't have to be your mom. Maybe the next guy in my life will be self motivated.
I have a lot of things in my life that have become so much more important to me. It feels like I have more of a purpose than just taking care of you. I am doubtful I can be as happy with someone else as I was with you but I sure as hell can be happier with myself than I was when I with you... and that might just give me reason enough to not care that you haven't tried to talk to me.
I'm still hurt but I'm trying to make something good out of what has happened. I still love you and probably always will. Just maybe I can open my heart to someone else in the future.
3 comments:
I've really hesitated to write this; you can ignore it if you want.
In high school I had a long-term relationship with a manipulative jackass who tried to make me into something I wasn't. I was convinced he was wonderful and before long I was trapped in an emotional attachment to him that wasn't healthy. I remember the promises that he wasn't drinking anymore, that I was the only one, and that we'd get married someday. I remember how it crushed me so hard that he wanted me to sacrifice everything I wanted. I felt I would never recover. It took me a friggin long time to get over it and it still makes me angry sometimes. Dumping him was the best decision I'd ever made.
I'm not saying your situation is like that or that Blair treated you as badly as this guy treated me. I hope that's not the case. All I'm saying is that sometimes you don't realize how great freedom is until far later. And then you meet someone who is everything you never imagined you could deserve.
I'm sorry. I think I've overstepped my bounds. I understand if you delete this comment or if you get mad at me for projecting my situation onto yours. I just feel for you, that's all.
I appreciated this so much! It makes me feel better knowing other people have been where I am, and that there is a way out of it. I had no idea that happened to you but knowing how happy you are now it gives me hope :) I am trying to see the bright side right now its just hard while its so fresh. Thank you so much for your comment!
I'll admit I was nervous of your reaction. I'm glad it was a good one. I just promise, PROMISE it gets better. I remember so vividly how it feels to be where you are and I give you my word, it will make you a stronger, better person. I just love you so much Dani. I'm rooting for you!
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