The Ride

In my last post I mentioned that the ride was coming to an end, I had hoped that it was close to the end. I was wrong I guess there are a few more hurdles than I last thought.

Everytime I close my eyes I feel like this is all a dream/nightmare and that when I open them again you'll be there smiling and putting your arms around me. Making me feel like your whole world. Do you miss that? I do, and as hard as I am trying to put the past away it still creeps up on me when I least expect it. I cried about you for the first time in a week, why the hell can't I just move past what we had and on to what may be the best thing ever?

I found out your brother and sister-in-law are having a girl, and I'm so excited for them. I really thought that would be us in another year, I was so excited that I found someone I could trust and love completely and be with for the rest of my life. I don't feel like I could ever be that happy with someone else, and I don't want to just settle. Today I feel like I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, and it is all my fault. Why couldn't stupid Dani just be content with what we had?

Being with you was as easy as breathing for me, it came so natural. I was so blissfully happy and it came to a crashing halt, on that day you called me from the jewelry store saying you couldn't do it. Jaimee told me you said we could work it out that we could pick a ring together, but I knew you'd never be able to do it and that our relationship was history. I wanted so badly for you to ask me to stay, to come up with a solution to fix us... I guess you were done trying. You still haven't tried calling, I should know by know you don't want to fix what we had and I need to stop hoping you'll come back to me. I NEED to hate you but I just can't, after all you were my best friend. But you lied to me, you got my hopes up and then crushed them...

I have the chance to move forward in my life and I am trying so very hard to do that, but thoughts of you just keep popping back into my head and it sucks it really does. I miss you. I miss what we had. I can't believe someone would WANT to be alone for their life but I guess you do.